The Complete Pasco County Schools Employee Engagement Survey (Kangaroo Poll)

Unabridged Stupidity

I just can’t resist publishing this latest piece of well-engineered horse manure.

In an obvious effort to appear to actually care about his employees, Grand Poohbah Bubba the Bellicose commissioned Gallup, Inc. to “survey” Pasco County employee morale. We haven’t gotten the results yet, although it is rather easy to conclude, that in this age of instant stats, they should have already been delivered to us.

Me thinks they might be galling.

Anyway, the following is the exact, to the letter, online employee questionnaire that Bubba & Co. came up with. It’s reasonable to suppose that they are using the Gallup brand in an attempt to lend some elusive legitimacy to their latest vain overture.

The questions are in red. My thoughts (forgive me) are in blue.

1) On a five-point scale, where 5 means extremely satisfied and 1 means extremely dissatisfied, how satisfied are you with your organization as a place to work?

What exactly does “your organization” mean? I was confused by the question, as was every colleague I spoke to about it. Is the question referencing the particular schools where we work, or the district? The answer would definitely be different based on that distinction. In my case, I would give my school a 4, but I would give the district a -178.

2) On a five-point scale, where 5 means strongly agree and 1 means strongly disagree, please rate your level of agreement with the following items.

a) I know what is expected of me at work.

Again, it depends on whether or not the district is involved. If it is, I seriously have no idea about what they expect other than they want me to smile and kiss their asses on cue.

b) I have the materials and equipment to do my work right (sic) 

Ahh, NO. Go talk to the idiots who make the resource decisions. I spend my own money all the time because the asses in charge seem to think resources fall out of the sky.

c) At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.

Yes. I’ve gotten pretty good at doing everything in my ability to mitigate the awful policies of the state and my district and still deliver quality instruction. So yes, I have that opportunity every day.

d) In the last seven days, I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.

Are you kidding me? I haven’t been praised in 20 years. If I wanted to be praised, I could kiss my principal’s ass, but it probably wouldn’t work even then. Are you serious Bubba?

e) My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.

What kind of question is that? It should definitely be two separate questions. It’s just a moronic question from the get go. 

f) There is someone at work who encourages my development.

Yes. They encourage me to accept the unacceptable all the time.

g) At work, my opinion seems to count.

Please refer to (d). Teachers’ opinions never count, unless they’re ass-kissing opinions.

h) The mission or purpose of my organization makes me feel my job is important.

Again, what kind of question is that? A stupid one. Of course it’s important. I don’t need a silly mission statement to tell me that. The purpose is self evident. The problem is that the politicians have complicated the simple.  The utter lack of respect for teachers makes me feel like shit every single day when I wake up and have to go do it again.

What I mean is, I could state my mission, but I believe that everyone already knows, through my actions, that it is to convince Kurt Browning to take his double dippin’ retirement funds, hole up on his San Antonio ranch, and stay away. 

i) My associates or fellow employees are committed to doing quality work.

Of course.

j) I have a best friend at work.

Yes, but it’s still a stupid question.

k) In the last six months, someone at work has talked to me about my progress.

If my progress is defined by the stupid-ass Marzano Protocol, of course. It’s a legislative requirement. In teaching, we all do an annual monkey dance.

l) This last year, I have had opportunities at work to learn and grow.

Whatever.

m) My team takes time to reflect on and discuss how we can make things better.

You gotta be kidding me. We don’t have time to reflect on anything.

n) There is cooperation between my team and other teams with whom I work.

What exactly is all this team stuff? Who wrote this stupid survey?

o) My organization has systems in place to encourage collaboration.

School or district? In the case of the former, yes. In the case of the latter NO. The district has no systems in place other than the ones designed to oppress teachers.

p) At work, I have a lot of strong personal partnerships.

Another stupid question. I have a partnership with my students. I teach. They learn. That’s a partnership. All this other horseshit is just that.

q) The leadership of Pasco county schools makes me enthusiastic about the future.

Absolutely NOT. The leadership of Pasco county schools is ridden with complete idiots who couldn’t teach. That’s why they are at the district.

This concludes the Pasco County School District Q12 Employee Engagement Survey. Your opinions do count, so thank you for participating.

Yeah, if my opinion counts, then put Kurt Browning on a train to Canada.

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